• Ego States

    The original Map was discovered by Dr. Eric Berne, creator of Transactional Analysis, who labeled three “ego states”: the “Parent”, the “Adult,” and the “Child.” In Possibility Management, we distinguish two other ego states: the "Gremlin" and the "Vampire Entity".

     

    We all have the five Ego State inside of us. The maps, clarifications and experiments that follow are each aimed to get you into the “Adult ego state.” The Adult ego state is the doorway to the Archetypal. We 'use' all five states. At any given time, we identify with one of the five ego states. And we jump around from one to the next, mostly unconsciously at first.

     

    We also discovered that as a survival strategy, often very young as a child, some people enmesh their Adult ego state with one or more of the other four ego state. Dis-enmeshing the ego states is a very clear procedure. Enmeshment of ego states is one of the most pervasive survival strategy.

  • Map Of Ego States/Emotions

    The Map of Ego States is also the Map of Emotions.

    Emotions come from different sources: the different Ego States.

    Each source of emotion requires a different healing process.

  • Parent Ego State

    Voices in your head!

    When identified with the Parent ego state, in our mind we hear either “nurturing Parent” or “critical Parent” voices that give us affirming or denying opinions about our self, about other people, or about what to do to survive a situation like this with people like them.

     

    Our Parent ego state voices are NOT our voice. These voices came from other people, past authority figures like:

    • Parents
    • Teachers
    • Relatives
    • Government
    • TV commercials
    • Corporations (Nestle, Danone, Apple, Unilever, Zara, H&M, BioCoop, ...)
    • Movies
    • and so on...

    The voices were so important that we made them normal. When we left the source of the voices we maintained our sense of normal by keeping the voices going inside our head.

     

    If we listen to those voices at all, or grant them any credibility in our life, we are giving our power away to the authority that was long ago imagined to be behind those voices. To be yourself in the present, here and now, we need to take our power back. We need our own voice.
    Realizing that the praising or blaming Parent-ego-state voices are not our voice does not necessarily make those voices go away. The voices can persist senselessly for years, simply from the momentum of habit, like a broken CD-player mechanically repeating the same track over and over again without purpose. Quite boring – especially for anyone forced to listen to us repeating what we hear the voices say.

     

    If you think those old voices are useful think again. Voices do not make you good or bad, responsible or irresponsible. Voices cannot protect you or harm you. You cannot hide behind the voices. You cannot justify yourself with voices. You cannot blame the voices. Voices are completely irrelevant. It is what you do or not do that matters. Results are stark naked and voiceless. The results do not lie. The comments, judgments and opinions that come from the voices are not even ours, so we may as well get rid of the voices. But how?

     

    There is only ONE way of dealing with voices: Shoot them with your Voice Blaster

    (see Your Experiments #parent)

     

    Sometimes voices present you with whiny little reasons why you should listen to them.

    They plead. They nag.

    They justify themselves. They pester.

    They tell you to be nice and obey the voice of reason from your elders.

    They tell you to be civilized and careful.

    "You should work hard. You shouldn't be lazy. You must complete university. You must have a job."

    They tell you that life without them would be terrible.

     

    If you listen and try to argue or reason with any voice at all, then you are already hooked and they’ve got you.

     

    The only conversation ever to have with a voice is “Bang!” End of conversation. Game over.

     

    It may take a couple of months of repeated blasting before some of the more persistent voices decide they could probably get an easier blood-sucking meal with somebody for whom it does not yet occur to use their Voice Blaster.

     

    Keep your Voice Blaster handy, even when you are in bed. You never know when you might be having sex with your partner and some little voices come around saying:

    Remember what happened last time? That’s probably going to happen again this time!

    You will never make it. For sure you have bad breath.

    You are a clumsy sex partner anyway. He / she is not really attracted to you.

    You are not beautiful enough. You are not sexy enough.

    You do not look like Brad Pitt.

    You are not…

    “Bang! Bang! Bang!”

    (It took you long enough to remember your Voice Blaster! Man, shoot those suckers quicker, before they even get a chance to say anything. You are not a victim of your voices. Just blast ‘em.)

    “Bang!”

     

    Then blow off your smoking pistol, spin it around your trigger finger, and drop it back into its holster ready for the next time.

     

    Welcome to the Adult ego state.

     

    The Adult ego state speaks with your own authentic voice, and may be completely neutral and silent in circumstances where the nurturing or critical parent voices are screaming their heads off. In using your own Adult voice you have your own power. Using your Voice Blaster is how to vanish pesky Parent-ego-state voices and anchor yourself into your Adult ego state.

  • Your Experiments #parent

    There is only one conversation to have with Voices: Bang!

    Use your Voice Blaster!

    “They” probably never told you about your Voice Blaster. Every person is born with a Voice Blaster on their hip. Reach down; pull your Voice Blaster out of its holster and hold it in your hand. It looks like your hand pretending to be a pistol, but it is actually your own personal Voice Blaster.

     

    Your Voice Blaster has always been there, ready for you to use. If you have never before used your Voice Blaster it is probably because it never occurred to you before. Expanding what is possible to occur to you is the business of this book. What you get here is the possibility that for the rest of your life it could occur to you to use your Voice Blaster.

     

    The Blaster holds an infinite number of charges so you never run out of ammunition, and a blast from the Voice Blaster never misses its target. Here are your Voice Blaster Operating Instructions: Shoot quickly in the direction of the voice and the “hunter seeker” function of the blast always finds its target. (“Hunter seeker” comes from Frank Herbert’s incredible book Dune, and in A. E. Van Vogt’s The Weapon Shops of Isher, guns protected the bearers by jumping into their hands and shooting whenever there was danger.)

     

    Please take note that voices that seem to be “in your head” are actually NOT in your head. Voices flutter around your head “out there” like a vampire bat flutters about its victim before it strikes for blood. The instant you sense a voice coming, whip out your Voice Blaster and “Bang!” Say it out loud. “Bang!” as you blast that voice right out of the sky.

     

    The voice either falls dead “Blop!” on the floor in front of you, or it flutters raggedly off, trying to come around for a second attack.

     

    Any voice that returns “Bang!” . . . dead again!

    “Bang! Bang! Bang!”

    Blast away, however many times it takes.

    List the Voices!

    To do at your Possibility Team!

  • Child Ego State

    Living in the past.

    The Child ego state includes both the “free natural” child and the “scared needy adaptive” child that originate with considerations from the past. Because it is childish it communicates about being scared, needy and adaptive so as to avoid encountering uncomfortable things that have already happened to you, or to continue encountering “warm-fuzzy” experiences that are naively irrelevant.

     

    The first thing to recognize about the Child ego state is that, no matter how real the feelings seem now, they all come from the past. Regardless of how present the fear or how strong the neediness seems to feel, everything from the past is merely a memory.

     

    The Adult knows that the present is the present, an always-evolving new set of unpredictable possibilities to create with. The Adult realizes that we have no power at all to change even the tiniest thing from the past. (See Your Experiment #child)

     

    When we were children our parents were busy. Towards us perhaps they were being authoritarian, being anti-authoritarian, or trying out some other parenting fad. The results were that some of our childhood needs were not met. We sometimes can feel the void left from these unmet needs in our day-to-day life. We experience an aching space in our soul, deep, wide and unfulfilled. This aching emptiness comes from the Child ego state. We look to our partner to fill this void. But it is not his or her job. No amount of chocolate-chocolate-chip ice cream can fill that void either.

     

    The Child ego state seeks for approval and acceptance, recognition and rewards, successes and glamorous attention to fill the hole.

    None suffices. The emptiness remains.

    There is some bad news and some good news about this aching emptiness.

     

    #Bad News - The bad news is this: your childhood needs will never be fulfilled. Your parents and teachers and brothers and sisters are never going to come to you and hug you and say, “You did a great job. We love you totally.” It is never going to happen.

     

    #Good News - Here is the good news about the aching emptiness: your childhood needs will never be fulfilled. You can finally stop waiting around with false expectations and faint hopes for something from the past to change. You can stop waiting around and get on about living your Adult life. You can grow up! This is great news!

  • Your Experiments #child

    Getting back into the present.

    Prove to yourself that you have no power to change the past.

    Make it so that you did not just read this sentence. Can you do that? No. Why not? Because reading the sentence occurred in the past. Even though you read the sentence only a few seconds ago, you cannot alter the fact that it already happened. We have no power in the past. The only place we have the power to do anything is now.

     

    How much time and energy have you spent trying to make things different in your past? Trying to re-have a conversation in a better way? Wishing that you had made a different decision? Trying to find a solution to a problem that you had a long time ago? It is silly, actually, that we try to change the past. But we do.

    The illusion of reclaiming the "free and natural child"

    The free natural child has a great time, but that great time is an illusion because the responsible Adult is the one who must clean up the mess.
    The concept of “reclaiming the free natural child ego” state has been frequently misunderstood. The concept has been somehow distorted to imply that the only real freedom of expression and joy in life comes through the free natural child ego state. To finally experience freedom and fun some people have desperately tried to drag that little guy or girl out of being abandoned in the basement of memory and then to place them into the driver’s seat of their lives so they can go play with the other “kids” and eat ice cream. The embarrassing aspect of this distortion is that your life as an Adult is an Adult life, not a child’s life. The child neither knows how nor wants to take responsibility for your Adult life. Shirking responsibility and trying to live wisely and fully through the Child ego state is a choice that can be costly in terms of life decisions. Really, what Man wants to have sex with a little girl? What Woman is attracted and turned on when in bed with a little boy? Don’t let years go by while you try to figure this out. Grow up now!

  • Gremlin Ego State

    Check out: Gremlin and Gremlin Hunter.

  • Vampire Entity Ego State

    SPARK 135 - God did not rest on the seventh day. (Code: SPARK135 for StartOver.xyz) Procedure for closing the cafe. Great procedure to do with another Possibility Manager or during a Possibility Team.

  • Adult Ego State

    The gateway to the Archetypal.

    The Adult recognizes that you cannot change what happened to you. It happened exactly how it happened. It happened in the past so you cannot change what happened. But you can change your relationship to what happened. You can change the story that you subscribe to about what happened. You can change your subscription. That old story about the thing that happened to you is a stake in the ground that keeps you from flying. You can cut the rope. You can stop giving the old story your energy and let it be what it is: a memory. Then, you can get on with your life and put your energy into creating what really matters to you now.

     

    The Adult ego state includes only now (see Your Experiment #adult).
    Adults source responsibility; children do not.

     

    Childhood is the “bad old days” where we are born as functional victims and have no capacity to take responsibility.

    Authentic freedom, joy and High Level Fun happen through the free and natural Adult ego state. It is the Adult who can engage the world at the level of creative responsibility.

     

    The Adult starts “impossible” projects – and then completes them.

    The Adult builds cities,

    reinvents governments,

    changes company policy,

    creates organizational gameworlds,

    explores the fringe delicacies of intimacy,

    originates new languages,

    expands ways to express inner commitments,

    conquers fears,

    authenticates visions,

    transforms itself,

    launches new products,

    sources religions,

    creates and destroys universes before breakfast,

    and cleans up the mess!

    This is the Adult ego state.


    The place where you have your own power and intelligence in the present is the Adult ego state.

     

    How do you know that you are in the Adult ego state?

     

    #Clue1 - In the Adult ego state there are no words. Reality is wordless. Words come from stories or interpretations that our Box makes up about what is happening. Stories occur in time. The present moment is only now. Now has no time. If the present moment has no time and stories occur in time, then the present moment can have no stories. If you are involved in stories, voices in your head, or words from the past it indicates that you are not in the present moment and therefore not in the Adult ego state.

    #Clue2 - Adult ego state respects people for creating the exact problems they need for taking themselves through their next step in evolution.

    #Clue3 - Adult ego state lets other people have their own problems and takes responsibility for self-generated problems.

    #Clue4 - Adult ego state does not rescue, persecute or play victim.
    #Clue 5 - Adult ego state keeps its center, is not hooked, stays present, makes contact, pays attention, holds space, and listens or speaks responsibly and with genius.

     

    #Gateway to the Archetypal - The Adult ego state is the gateway to the deep Masculine and deep Feminine Archetypal structures that are hard-wired into your body and waiting for you to turn them on. You cannot get to the Archetypal Masculine or Archetypal Feminine except through the Adult ego state.

    Example of communication between Adult ego state and other ego states follows.

    • Parent to Adult: “Well, I don’t like this. Too many freedoms for the children these days, don’t you think? And your Johnny certainly is going to pay for his little attitude problem when it comes time for him to get a job! Everybody knows what happens around your dining table at night!”
    • Adult to Parent: “You don’t like this.”

     

    • Child to Adult: “I don’t know how to do this. It is all so confusing. What should I do next? Is this right? Why can’t they make things simpler? This is impossible for me. I am too tired. It’s too hard for me. I can’t do it.”
    • Adult to Child: “You don’t know how to do this.”
     
    • Adult addressing and responding to Adult: “Hello. I see you.”
  • Your Experiments #adult

    Getting back into the present.

    Anchor yourself in a small now.

    Anchoring yourself into the short-now moment of the Adult ego state creates a startlingly clear perspective. All of a sudden a lot of extraneous psycho-emotional baggage from the Child ego state drifts effortlessly away from you. It is possible to graciously let this baggage go. All of those memories and conclusions are only one of your possible identities: your child identity.

     

    When you affirm that you are no longer a child, you let your child identity go back to where it belongs – in the past – and you step into your Adult identity. Sentimental nostalgia only interferes with the enjoyable lightness of being that characterizes the Adult state. There is a difference between reflecting on memories from time to time, and indulging in memories to try to relive them.

     

    Memories are memories. You can experience memories in the present, but what happened in your memories is in the past. Whatever happened then, good or bad, cannot happen now. Only what is happening now can happen now, and we can only change what is happening now now.

    Movies & Books

    Avatar by James Cameron. To watch (again!) from a perspective that Western Modern Culture is centered on Child ego state and the Navi' are centered on Adult ego state. Especially the scene when Neytiri meets Jake Sully for the first time and takes him through his initiatory processes.

  • "You are like a baby, a child".

  • Enmeshment of Ego State

    Enmeshment of the Adult ego state.

    Enmeshment is a contamination of one ego state by another ego state. The Adult ego state is the one being contaminated by one of the other three ego states: Child, Parent, Gremlin. We have not yet encounter the enmeshment with the Vampire ego state. Please let us know if you do.

     

     

    Dis-Enmeshment of the ego states.

    A straight forward procedure exist to dis-enmesh the ego states. If the procedure is straight forward it is not easy and demand a constant attention of the contamination for between a year and 3 years. And after this, you will have your life back. It is worth the struggle and the liquid states. During the years of dis-enmeshment, you will be in constant five body liquid states.